Being back in Kansas City I have had time to reflect on the experiences of my life and the challenges that have come my way. I have been torn down as a person and even as a pastor many times but God is always there to help me back up.
Many of my readers know that I suffer from chronic daily headaches. Headaches that do not stop but are active every second of my life and are horrible that they want me to scream out from the pain. The medical community could not help me but decided to tell me that I am the 1% that can not be cured and walked away from me.
My headaches have plagued me for over 23 years and every day is a struggle. Yet, everyday I am blessed because I feel God's presence helping me up each time my conscious state wakes to this reality. I have learned that I am allowed to speak so many words per day before my headaches increase so often I am a silent person. These headaches are also affected by movement for example facial expressions. In my pain I do not wear correct facial expression sometimes and people misread my intent.
In life I have been challenged, ridiculed, pushed side, and told I can not do it. I would focus and force past the pain to prove them wrong. Whatever I set my mind to I will achieve because with God anything is possible.
In ministry I have been questioned on my lack of excitement for not understanding the pain I have. I have been refused many times to do what I was called for because my headaches are weakness. A person in ministry should not have weakness?
I am often reminded of the scripture 2 Corinthians 12:9
'But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made
perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about
my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.'
Yes my headaches are my thorn in my side and my greatest weakness but God shows his strength and I will always give him the glory and honor.
Yet, I have found opposition. Through out my 8 years of being a pastor I have been torn down and told what I can not do. I will only focus on two examples for I fear if I did not this message would be lost in the words of rumblings.
The first was when I was called to co-pastor a hip-hop church in Cleveland, Ohio. I was the co-pastor, children's pastor, assistant to youth ministry, community outreach director, and sat on the board as this was a church plant on the West Side. I worked and connected to other resources and networked with other pastors as I went broke. I saw corruption in the lead position and knew it was time for me to leave but on my day of birth the leader verbal attacked me making me numb for months and questioning ministry.
God helped me back up and healed the wounds and reminded me of the call placed on my life.
The second was when I stood alone working with several congregations and helping in any area they needed as I preached. I was also the Sunday School teacher, youth pastor, community outreach, planned community events. I worked hard and connected to great resources and networked with people that wanted to see a better community. But on my last day I was told by someone I have great respect for and saw as someone I would want to be someday that I do not have skills to be a pastor, and other issues that targeted my life as a pastor. Once more torn down, but every day God is with me and helps me back up.
I know I am not alone in this opposition. God knows the work I did and the sincere love I put into knowing the people and teaching them about Him. God knows the several times I drove to help my youth and be with them. God knows the times I drove to the hospital to pray over church family members. God knows the struggles I have been through and the how much I poured myself into that ministry.
I have pushed many people away from me that try to get me to focus on the world and leave God behind. I refuse to listen and I will always listen to the call God has given to me even with my weakness. I will stand alone if need be against the opposition, but I am glad I do not have too because God is always with me.
I hope this helps someone to know you are not alone. You have struggled against others telling you that you are not able to do it. They have wounded you and hurt you badly. I hope you know that in this reality you can do anything with God beside you. We need to forgive and seek a time for healing so when we stand back up we are stronger then before. God will never leave you nor forsake you.
We stand together.
Wednesday 22 May 2013
Saturday 18 May 2013
The longest Wednesday of my life
Wednesday, May 15th 2013...
I woke up before 3:00am and got dressed in relaxing clothes because I knew the journey before me. This started the day as I walked to the front of the house from my room I have stayed in for over five months. I walked away from that room where I found peace and quit. Where I found relaxation and entertainment in rented videos and sleep. Where I researched and studied for the time I was there. I walked away from that room knowing I will never be back to that room again, at least not in the form it was when I left.
Entering the airport I discovered was interesting as I prepared myself to give my two bags away hoping they would make it to Texas and I took one care-on with me. I filled in paperwork as the next location was Sydney. Soon I was in the plane from Auckland, New Zealand where I sat next to the emergency exit giving me plenty of leg room to Sydney.
3 Hours later I made it to Sydney and had to go through security and I was randomly picked to have another security check on me and my carry-on. I sat in my terminal and waited for the next flight to Texas for six hours and soon I was on the next plane. I was given the last seat in the back of the plane where large metal were well placed between my feet. There I stayed for over 15 hours of flight unable to hear any movie playing because the loud sound of the engine. I tried to find sleep but it kept running from me like a frightened kitten. There were several people going to Texas for the racing there and in between their little bottles of alcohol they spoke of their highlights in witnessing the racing. Their love was loud and the frightened kitten called sleep stayed away from me.
Finally arriving in Texas I had to produce my passport and my reason for coming to the USA. Then I had to go through security where after I was hand picked to have another security check done. After getting my tickets for Kansas City I delivered my two bags off hoping they would make it to Kansas City as well. I went through another security section. I got past all of the security and I had to ride a train to my terminal where I waited for four hours for my flight.
Finally I got on my last plane and flew for over hour and forty-five minutes to reach Kansas City where I walked outside and found two of my roommates. It was good to see them and I hugged them for seeing familiar faces from the sea of unknowns to me. I got my two bags and we left to find my new apartment. It was 7:20pm still on Wednesday.
I was shown the new place and wanted to get some sleep but still that frightened kitten would not come to me so my roommate and I went for my vehicle.
It felt alien to me as the steering wheel was on the left side and getting into it felt like it was new to me. As I started it up the smell of 8 month old gas filled the air around us as I drove a few hundred feet to the old apartment to get my bed and clothes. I was quickly reminded that I was driving on the wrong side of the road.
When the bed was made and the clothes were thrown to the side I looked for things I brought for my roommates to realize one of them were stolen. At least it was one of them that disappeared as those two bags flew from New Zealand to Kansas city. I laid my head down after 11:00pm and tossed and turned until waking up at 7:00am on Thursday. Finally its not Wednesday any more.
What a trip to remember.
I woke up before 3:00am and got dressed in relaxing clothes because I knew the journey before me. This started the day as I walked to the front of the house from my room I have stayed in for over five months. I walked away from that room where I found peace and quit. Where I found relaxation and entertainment in rented videos and sleep. Where I researched and studied for the time I was there. I walked away from that room knowing I will never be back to that room again, at least not in the form it was when I left.
Entering the airport I discovered was interesting as I prepared myself to give my two bags away hoping they would make it to Texas and I took one care-on with me. I filled in paperwork as the next location was Sydney. Soon I was in the plane from Auckland, New Zealand where I sat next to the emergency exit giving me plenty of leg room to Sydney.
3 Hours later I made it to Sydney and had to go through security and I was randomly picked to have another security check on me and my carry-on. I sat in my terminal and waited for the next flight to Texas for six hours and soon I was on the next plane. I was given the last seat in the back of the plane where large metal were well placed between my feet. There I stayed for over 15 hours of flight unable to hear any movie playing because the loud sound of the engine. I tried to find sleep but it kept running from me like a frightened kitten. There were several people going to Texas for the racing there and in between their little bottles of alcohol they spoke of their highlights in witnessing the racing. Their love was loud and the frightened kitten called sleep stayed away from me.
Finally arriving in Texas I had to produce my passport and my reason for coming to the USA. Then I had to go through security where after I was hand picked to have another security check done. After getting my tickets for Kansas City I delivered my two bags off hoping they would make it to Kansas City as well. I went through another security section. I got past all of the security and I had to ride a train to my terminal where I waited for four hours for my flight.
Finally I got on my last plane and flew for over hour and forty-five minutes to reach Kansas City where I walked outside and found two of my roommates. It was good to see them and I hugged them for seeing familiar faces from the sea of unknowns to me. I got my two bags and we left to find my new apartment. It was 7:20pm still on Wednesday.
I was shown the new place and wanted to get some sleep but still that frightened kitten would not come to me so my roommate and I went for my vehicle.
It felt alien to me as the steering wheel was on the left side and getting into it felt like it was new to me. As I started it up the smell of 8 month old gas filled the air around us as I drove a few hundred feet to the old apartment to get my bed and clothes. I was quickly reminded that I was driving on the wrong side of the road.
When the bed was made and the clothes were thrown to the side I looked for things I brought for my roommates to realize one of them were stolen. At least it was one of them that disappeared as those two bags flew from New Zealand to Kansas city. I laid my head down after 11:00pm and tossed and turned until waking up at 7:00am on Thursday. Finally its not Wednesday any more.
What a trip to remember.
The piha/waitakere experience
The last Monday I spent in New Zealand the District Superintendent had all the 365M students come together at His place. He wanted to show one more place of New Zealand. We first went to waitakere rangers regional park and saw the landscape as one over looks the beauty of God's creation.
We went inside and saw many Maori statures as they were detailed to the males they were created after and saw many of the native birds that live or lived in New Zealand.
We were taken to Piha and saw the breath taking iron sand shores and surf worthy waves and were accompanied by a playful dog that wanted to play fetch with anyone who would pick up his tennis ball.
We found food as people around us watched the ocean waves gently crashing onto the shores it was relaxing to witness.
The beauty of New Zealand can be breath taking. The beauty of New Zealand can awe inspiring.
The we went for a hike where my slow pace ended up losing everyone but loved the walk through the wilderness to the site of a wonderful waterfall. My legs were rubber the next few days after but the walking experience was rewarding in witnessing such beauty.
I think for me it reminded me in all the ministry I was allowed to do and all the classes I had to focus on that there was so much more in New Zealand.
We went inside and saw many Maori statures as they were detailed to the males they were created after and saw many of the native birds that live or lived in New Zealand.
We were taken to Piha and saw the breath taking iron sand shores and surf worthy waves and were accompanied by a playful dog that wanted to play fetch with anyone who would pick up his tennis ball.
We found food as people around us watched the ocean waves gently crashing onto the shores it was relaxing to witness.
The beauty of New Zealand can be breath taking. The beauty of New Zealand can awe inspiring.
The we went for a hike where my slow pace ended up losing everyone but loved the walk through the wilderness to the site of a wonderful waterfall. My legs were rubber the next few days after but the walking experience was rewarding in witnessing such beauty.
I think for me it reminded me in all the ministry I was allowed to do and all the classes I had to focus on that there was so much more in New Zealand.
A meal to remember
The weeks before I left New Zealand I was invited to dine with Pastor Kili and Pastor Ori and their wives. I was honored by their invitation as I enter the restaurant called Genghis Khan Mongolian BBQ. You grab a bowl choose your raw meat and whatever you want to put in with it and take it the contents to the chefs. As you watch as the food is cooked in front of you.
However, I was suffering from a sore throat at the time and could not eat as much as everyone else. But then I found out there was ice cream and was a good feeling for a sore and burning throat.
We talked about the ministries I was involved from preaching, Sunday School classes with 12 to 15 year olds, to helping with their events, and having their support to help me in the events and workshops I created as well.
We talked about the good times and the smiles and laughter was something I needed. I am glad through such a great night I was accompanied by such an amazing person.
I was remembered that everything I have done to bring honor and praise to God in His ministry was seen by these pastors. My brothers in Christ talked and laughed of the good times in ministry and the future of New Zealand.
However, I was suffering from a sore throat at the time and could not eat as much as everyone else. But then I found out there was ice cream and was a good feeling for a sore and burning throat.
We talked about the ministries I was involved from preaching, Sunday School classes with 12 to 15 year olds, to helping with their events, and having their support to help me in the events and workshops I created as well.
We talked about the good times and the smiles and laughter was something I needed. I am glad through such a great night I was accompanied by such an amazing person.
I was remembered that everything I have done to bring honor and praise to God in His ministry was seen by these pastors. My brothers in Christ talked and laughed of the good times in ministry and the future of New Zealand.
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