Saint Francis of Assisi wrote this prayer I want to share with you....
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace!
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
Most people stop there as the pray is powerful and reminds us we can be
shining stars. But Christianity is not easy nor is it a road that is
large and smooth and so he continues...
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive;
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
I pray these words may help and remind you of the disciplined life we
have with so many blessings given to us. So we may be the light in the
darkness and the shining stars. Amen.
Friday 14 June 2013
The doll of salt -reflection #6 -
I was reading my devotions today and there is a section that has words of reflection. When I read a section by Anthony Bloom in his book called 'Living Prayer' I needed to write about it.
"A doll of salt, after a long pilgrimage on dry land, came to the sea and discovered something she had never seen and could not possibly understand. She stood on the firm ground, a solid little doll of salt, and saw there was another ground that was mobile, insecure, noisy, strange and unknown. She asked the sea, 'But what are you?' and it said, 'I am the sea.' And the doll said, 'What is the sea?' to which the answer was, 'It is me.' Then the doll said, 'I can not understand, but I want to; how can I?' The sea answered, 'Touch me'. So the doll shyly put forward a foot and touched the water and she got a strange impression that it was something that began to be knowable. She withdrew her leg, looked and saw that her toes had gone, and she was afraid and said, 'Oh, but where is my toe, what have you done to me?' And the sea said, 'You have given something in order to understand.' Gradually the water took away small bits of the doll's salt and the doll went farther and farther into the sea and at every moment she had a sense of understanding more and more, and yet of not being able to say what the sea was. As she went deeper, she melted more and more, repeating: 'But what is the sea?' At last a wave dissolved the rest of her and the doll said: 'It is I!' She had discovered what the sea was, but not yet what the water is."
"...The doll knew what the sea was when she had become, minute as she was, the vastness of the sea. So also when we enter into the knowledge of God, we do not contain God, but are contained in Him, and we become ourselves in this encounter with God, secure in His vastness..."
The gradual learning of God is unending. As we start this journey we will continue to our dying day to understanding God and knowing all there is to know of God and will continue even after death into eternity. The mystery of knowing God is the vastness of the sea to stand before Him as we know Him to be but yet still unknown before us. Each glimpse into knowing God changes our perspective therefore each time we encounter Him we learn more but are still lost in knowing all.
Like the doll of salt we must be willing to lose oneself to know who we are in the relationship with God. The craving for understanding of God allows us to give of ourselves and learn a little of Him. In my own thoughts of this story I thought of an hour-glass that has no set amount of sand nor any containment of where it is falling into for the more we learn of God we also learn there is a vastness of understanding Him.
In the same way as the doll of salt sought to understand the sea I would walk closer to God giving of myself to understand Him and His holiness. This idea is present today in the term entire sanctification. Where we give of ourselves to serve and honor God with everything we are to draw closer to Him and even unto death the journey continues in learning of the vastness of God and growing closer to Him.
I hope each of us can be as simple as the doll of salt seeking to understand the sea. God Bless.
"A doll of salt, after a long pilgrimage on dry land, came to the sea and discovered something she had never seen and could not possibly understand. She stood on the firm ground, a solid little doll of salt, and saw there was another ground that was mobile, insecure, noisy, strange and unknown. She asked the sea, 'But what are you?' and it said, 'I am the sea.' And the doll said, 'What is the sea?' to which the answer was, 'It is me.' Then the doll said, 'I can not understand, but I want to; how can I?' The sea answered, 'Touch me'. So the doll shyly put forward a foot and touched the water and she got a strange impression that it was something that began to be knowable. She withdrew her leg, looked and saw that her toes had gone, and she was afraid and said, 'Oh, but where is my toe, what have you done to me?' And the sea said, 'You have given something in order to understand.' Gradually the water took away small bits of the doll's salt and the doll went farther and farther into the sea and at every moment she had a sense of understanding more and more, and yet of not being able to say what the sea was. As she went deeper, she melted more and more, repeating: 'But what is the sea?' At last a wave dissolved the rest of her and the doll said: 'It is I!' She had discovered what the sea was, but not yet what the water is."
"...The doll knew what the sea was when she had become, minute as she was, the vastness of the sea. So also when we enter into the knowledge of God, we do not contain God, but are contained in Him, and we become ourselves in this encounter with God, secure in His vastness..."
The gradual learning of God is unending. As we start this journey we will continue to our dying day to understanding God and knowing all there is to know of God and will continue even after death into eternity. The mystery of knowing God is the vastness of the sea to stand before Him as we know Him to be but yet still unknown before us. Each glimpse into knowing God changes our perspective therefore each time we encounter Him we learn more but are still lost in knowing all.
Like the doll of salt we must be willing to lose oneself to know who we are in the relationship with God. The craving for understanding of God allows us to give of ourselves and learn a little of Him. In my own thoughts of this story I thought of an hour-glass that has no set amount of sand nor any containment of where it is falling into for the more we learn of God we also learn there is a vastness of understanding Him.
In the same way as the doll of salt sought to understand the sea I would walk closer to God giving of myself to understand Him and His holiness. This idea is present today in the term entire sanctification. Where we give of ourselves to serve and honor God with everything we are to draw closer to Him and even unto death the journey continues in learning of the vastness of God and growing closer to Him.
I hope each of us can be as simple as the doll of salt seeking to understand the sea. God Bless.
Wednesday 22 May 2013
Opposition...
Being back in Kansas City I have had time to reflect on the experiences of my life and the challenges that have come my way. I have been torn down as a person and even as a pastor many times but God is always there to help me back up.
Many of my readers know that I suffer from chronic daily headaches. Headaches that do not stop but are active every second of my life and are horrible that they want me to scream out from the pain. The medical community could not help me but decided to tell me that I am the 1% that can not be cured and walked away from me.
My headaches have plagued me for over 23 years and every day is a struggle. Yet, everyday I am blessed because I feel God's presence helping me up each time my conscious state wakes to this reality. I have learned that I am allowed to speak so many words per day before my headaches increase so often I am a silent person. These headaches are also affected by movement for example facial expressions. In my pain I do not wear correct facial expression sometimes and people misread my intent.
In life I have been challenged, ridiculed, pushed side, and told I can not do it. I would focus and force past the pain to prove them wrong. Whatever I set my mind to I will achieve because with God anything is possible.
In ministry I have been questioned on my lack of excitement for not understanding the pain I have. I have been refused many times to do what I was called for because my headaches are weakness. A person in ministry should not have weakness?
I am often reminded of the scripture 2 Corinthians 12:9
'But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.'
Yes my headaches are my thorn in my side and my greatest weakness but God shows his strength and I will always give him the glory and honor.
Yet, I have found opposition. Through out my 8 years of being a pastor I have been torn down and told what I can not do. I will only focus on two examples for I fear if I did not this message would be lost in the words of rumblings.
The first was when I was called to co-pastor a hip-hop church in Cleveland, Ohio. I was the co-pastor, children's pastor, assistant to youth ministry, community outreach director, and sat on the board as this was a church plant on the West Side. I worked and connected to other resources and networked with other pastors as I went broke. I saw corruption in the lead position and knew it was time for me to leave but on my day of birth the leader verbal attacked me making me numb for months and questioning ministry.
God helped me back up and healed the wounds and reminded me of the call placed on my life.
The second was when I stood alone working with several congregations and helping in any area they needed as I preached. I was also the Sunday School teacher, youth pastor, community outreach, planned community events. I worked hard and connected to great resources and networked with people that wanted to see a better community. But on my last day I was told by someone I have great respect for and saw as someone I would want to be someday that I do not have skills to be a pastor, and other issues that targeted my life as a pastor. Once more torn down, but every day God is with me and helps me back up.
I know I am not alone in this opposition. God knows the work I did and the sincere love I put into knowing the people and teaching them about Him. God knows the several times I drove to help my youth and be with them. God knows the times I drove to the hospital to pray over church family members. God knows the struggles I have been through and the how much I poured myself into that ministry.
I have pushed many people away from me that try to get me to focus on the world and leave God behind. I refuse to listen and I will always listen to the call God has given to me even with my weakness. I will stand alone if need be against the opposition, but I am glad I do not have too because God is always with me.
I hope this helps someone to know you are not alone. You have struggled against others telling you that you are not able to do it. They have wounded you and hurt you badly. I hope you know that in this reality you can do anything with God beside you. We need to forgive and seek a time for healing so when we stand back up we are stronger then before. God will never leave you nor forsake you.
We stand together.
Many of my readers know that I suffer from chronic daily headaches. Headaches that do not stop but are active every second of my life and are horrible that they want me to scream out from the pain. The medical community could not help me but decided to tell me that I am the 1% that can not be cured and walked away from me.
My headaches have plagued me for over 23 years and every day is a struggle. Yet, everyday I am blessed because I feel God's presence helping me up each time my conscious state wakes to this reality. I have learned that I am allowed to speak so many words per day before my headaches increase so often I am a silent person. These headaches are also affected by movement for example facial expressions. In my pain I do not wear correct facial expression sometimes and people misread my intent.
In life I have been challenged, ridiculed, pushed side, and told I can not do it. I would focus and force past the pain to prove them wrong. Whatever I set my mind to I will achieve because with God anything is possible.
In ministry I have been questioned on my lack of excitement for not understanding the pain I have. I have been refused many times to do what I was called for because my headaches are weakness. A person in ministry should not have weakness?
I am often reminded of the scripture 2 Corinthians 12:9
'But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.'
Yes my headaches are my thorn in my side and my greatest weakness but God shows his strength and I will always give him the glory and honor.
Yet, I have found opposition. Through out my 8 years of being a pastor I have been torn down and told what I can not do. I will only focus on two examples for I fear if I did not this message would be lost in the words of rumblings.
The first was when I was called to co-pastor a hip-hop church in Cleveland, Ohio. I was the co-pastor, children's pastor, assistant to youth ministry, community outreach director, and sat on the board as this was a church plant on the West Side. I worked and connected to other resources and networked with other pastors as I went broke. I saw corruption in the lead position and knew it was time for me to leave but on my day of birth the leader verbal attacked me making me numb for months and questioning ministry.
God helped me back up and healed the wounds and reminded me of the call placed on my life.
The second was when I stood alone working with several congregations and helping in any area they needed as I preached. I was also the Sunday School teacher, youth pastor, community outreach, planned community events. I worked hard and connected to great resources and networked with people that wanted to see a better community. But on my last day I was told by someone I have great respect for and saw as someone I would want to be someday that I do not have skills to be a pastor, and other issues that targeted my life as a pastor. Once more torn down, but every day God is with me and helps me back up.
I know I am not alone in this opposition. God knows the work I did and the sincere love I put into knowing the people and teaching them about Him. God knows the several times I drove to help my youth and be with them. God knows the times I drove to the hospital to pray over church family members. God knows the struggles I have been through and the how much I poured myself into that ministry.
I have pushed many people away from me that try to get me to focus on the world and leave God behind. I refuse to listen and I will always listen to the call God has given to me even with my weakness. I will stand alone if need be against the opposition, but I am glad I do not have too because God is always with me.
I hope this helps someone to know you are not alone. You have struggled against others telling you that you are not able to do it. They have wounded you and hurt you badly. I hope you know that in this reality you can do anything with God beside you. We need to forgive and seek a time for healing so when we stand back up we are stronger then before. God will never leave you nor forsake you.
We stand together.
Saturday 18 May 2013
The longest Wednesday of my life
Wednesday, May 15th 2013...
I woke up before 3:00am and got dressed in relaxing clothes because I knew the journey before me. This started the day as I walked to the front of the house from my room I have stayed in for over five months. I walked away from that room where I found peace and quit. Where I found relaxation and entertainment in rented videos and sleep. Where I researched and studied for the time I was there. I walked away from that room knowing I will never be back to that room again, at least not in the form it was when I left.
Entering the airport I discovered was interesting as I prepared myself to give my two bags away hoping they would make it to Texas and I took one care-on with me. I filled in paperwork as the next location was Sydney. Soon I was in the plane from Auckland, New Zealand where I sat next to the emergency exit giving me plenty of leg room to Sydney.
3 Hours later I made it to Sydney and had to go through security and I was randomly picked to have another security check on me and my carry-on. I sat in my terminal and waited for the next flight to Texas for six hours and soon I was on the next plane. I was given the last seat in the back of the plane where large metal were well placed between my feet. There I stayed for over 15 hours of flight unable to hear any movie playing because the loud sound of the engine. I tried to find sleep but it kept running from me like a frightened kitten. There were several people going to Texas for the racing there and in between their little bottles of alcohol they spoke of their highlights in witnessing the racing. Their love was loud and the frightened kitten called sleep stayed away from me.
Finally arriving in Texas I had to produce my passport and my reason for coming to the USA. Then I had to go through security where after I was hand picked to have another security check done. After getting my tickets for Kansas City I delivered my two bags off hoping they would make it to Kansas City as well. I went through another security section. I got past all of the security and I had to ride a train to my terminal where I waited for four hours for my flight.
Finally I got on my last plane and flew for over hour and forty-five minutes to reach Kansas City where I walked outside and found two of my roommates. It was good to see them and I hugged them for seeing familiar faces from the sea of unknowns to me. I got my two bags and we left to find my new apartment. It was 7:20pm still on Wednesday.
I was shown the new place and wanted to get some sleep but still that frightened kitten would not come to me so my roommate and I went for my vehicle.
It felt alien to me as the steering wheel was on the left side and getting into it felt like it was new to me. As I started it up the smell of 8 month old gas filled the air around us as I drove a few hundred feet to the old apartment to get my bed and clothes. I was quickly reminded that I was driving on the wrong side of the road.
When the bed was made and the clothes were thrown to the side I looked for things I brought for my roommates to realize one of them were stolen. At least it was one of them that disappeared as those two bags flew from New Zealand to Kansas city. I laid my head down after 11:00pm and tossed and turned until waking up at 7:00am on Thursday. Finally its not Wednesday any more.
What a trip to remember.
I woke up before 3:00am and got dressed in relaxing clothes because I knew the journey before me. This started the day as I walked to the front of the house from my room I have stayed in for over five months. I walked away from that room where I found peace and quit. Where I found relaxation and entertainment in rented videos and sleep. Where I researched and studied for the time I was there. I walked away from that room knowing I will never be back to that room again, at least not in the form it was when I left.
Entering the airport I discovered was interesting as I prepared myself to give my two bags away hoping they would make it to Texas and I took one care-on with me. I filled in paperwork as the next location was Sydney. Soon I was in the plane from Auckland, New Zealand where I sat next to the emergency exit giving me plenty of leg room to Sydney.
3 Hours later I made it to Sydney and had to go through security and I was randomly picked to have another security check on me and my carry-on. I sat in my terminal and waited for the next flight to Texas for six hours and soon I was on the next plane. I was given the last seat in the back of the plane where large metal were well placed between my feet. There I stayed for over 15 hours of flight unable to hear any movie playing because the loud sound of the engine. I tried to find sleep but it kept running from me like a frightened kitten. There were several people going to Texas for the racing there and in between their little bottles of alcohol they spoke of their highlights in witnessing the racing. Their love was loud and the frightened kitten called sleep stayed away from me.
Finally arriving in Texas I had to produce my passport and my reason for coming to the USA. Then I had to go through security where after I was hand picked to have another security check done. After getting my tickets for Kansas City I delivered my two bags off hoping they would make it to Kansas City as well. I went through another security section. I got past all of the security and I had to ride a train to my terminal where I waited for four hours for my flight.
Finally I got on my last plane and flew for over hour and forty-five minutes to reach Kansas City where I walked outside and found two of my roommates. It was good to see them and I hugged them for seeing familiar faces from the sea of unknowns to me. I got my two bags and we left to find my new apartment. It was 7:20pm still on Wednesday.
I was shown the new place and wanted to get some sleep but still that frightened kitten would not come to me so my roommate and I went for my vehicle.
It felt alien to me as the steering wheel was on the left side and getting into it felt like it was new to me. As I started it up the smell of 8 month old gas filled the air around us as I drove a few hundred feet to the old apartment to get my bed and clothes. I was quickly reminded that I was driving on the wrong side of the road.
When the bed was made and the clothes were thrown to the side I looked for things I brought for my roommates to realize one of them were stolen. At least it was one of them that disappeared as those two bags flew from New Zealand to Kansas city. I laid my head down after 11:00pm and tossed and turned until waking up at 7:00am on Thursday. Finally its not Wednesday any more.
What a trip to remember.
The piha/waitakere experience
The last Monday I spent in New Zealand the District Superintendent had all the 365M students come together at His place. He wanted to show one more place of New Zealand. We first went to waitakere rangers regional park and saw the landscape as one over looks the beauty of God's creation.
We went inside and saw many Maori statures as they were detailed to the males they were created after and saw many of the native birds that live or lived in New Zealand.
We were taken to Piha and saw the breath taking iron sand shores and surf worthy waves and were accompanied by a playful dog that wanted to play fetch with anyone who would pick up his tennis ball.
We found food as people around us watched the ocean waves gently crashing onto the shores it was relaxing to witness.
The beauty of New Zealand can be breath taking. The beauty of New Zealand can awe inspiring.
The we went for a hike where my slow pace ended up losing everyone but loved the walk through the wilderness to the site of a wonderful waterfall. My legs were rubber the next few days after but the walking experience was rewarding in witnessing such beauty.
I think for me it reminded me in all the ministry I was allowed to do and all the classes I had to focus on that there was so much more in New Zealand.
We went inside and saw many Maori statures as they were detailed to the males they were created after and saw many of the native birds that live or lived in New Zealand.
We were taken to Piha and saw the breath taking iron sand shores and surf worthy waves and were accompanied by a playful dog that wanted to play fetch with anyone who would pick up his tennis ball.
We found food as people around us watched the ocean waves gently crashing onto the shores it was relaxing to witness.
The beauty of New Zealand can be breath taking. The beauty of New Zealand can awe inspiring.
The we went for a hike where my slow pace ended up losing everyone but loved the walk through the wilderness to the site of a wonderful waterfall. My legs were rubber the next few days after but the walking experience was rewarding in witnessing such beauty.
I think for me it reminded me in all the ministry I was allowed to do and all the classes I had to focus on that there was so much more in New Zealand.
A meal to remember
The weeks before I left New Zealand I was invited to dine with Pastor Kili and Pastor Ori and their wives. I was honored by their invitation as I enter the restaurant called Genghis Khan Mongolian BBQ. You grab a bowl choose your raw meat and whatever you want to put in with it and take it the contents to the chefs. As you watch as the food is cooked in front of you.
However, I was suffering from a sore throat at the time and could not eat as much as everyone else. But then I found out there was ice cream and was a good feeling for a sore and burning throat.
We talked about the ministries I was involved from preaching, Sunday School classes with 12 to 15 year olds, to helping with their events, and having their support to help me in the events and workshops I created as well.
We talked about the good times and the smiles and laughter was something I needed. I am glad through such a great night I was accompanied by such an amazing person.
I was remembered that everything I have done to bring honor and praise to God in His ministry was seen by these pastors. My brothers in Christ talked and laughed of the good times in ministry and the future of New Zealand.
However, I was suffering from a sore throat at the time and could not eat as much as everyone else. But then I found out there was ice cream and was a good feeling for a sore and burning throat.
We talked about the ministries I was involved from preaching, Sunday School classes with 12 to 15 year olds, to helping with their events, and having their support to help me in the events and workshops I created as well.
We talked about the good times and the smiles and laughter was something I needed. I am glad through such a great night I was accompanied by such an amazing person.
I was remembered that everything I have done to bring honor and praise to God in His ministry was seen by these pastors. My brothers in Christ talked and laughed of the good times in ministry and the future of New Zealand.
Tuesday 16 April 2013
Community workshop
The last big program I created for a community outreach and organized good networks this past Saturday from 10:00am to 2:00pm. This program was called 'Community workshop: life choices' it offered speakers from MSL training and MIT as well as heaps of food served by the MSL lecturer. It was a program focused on how to do interviews for employment and how to write resumes (which are called CV's in New Zealand). I worked on getting several speakers together over the course of four weeks. I had a friend print out 300 fliers for the event and had my youth and I walk the community of Takanini putting them in mailboxes the week before the event. I went to several pastors and their wives and asked them to send their youth to this event. I spoke with the youth leader in charge of the district to pass the information along.
The day comes as I got there early and cleaned the outside from the trash left behind from people in the community. I helped clean the inside of the Church and set up tables for information booths. I created an expo where MSL and MIT would be able to reach out to the youth in the community and the Church. The food and drinks came early, six plates, and each looked amazing.
Before 10:00am two ladies from the Samoan service arrived to learn and help them for possible employment it was exciting to see their faces as they walked in. The representatives from the different institutes were already there with information about career choices on the booths I had set up for them. But as 10:00am came no one else arrived. I texted the pastors who told me they were coming and received apologies instead of we are coming. I did every kind of advertisement I could think of with limited budget but no youth showed. I walked on the streets inviting youth I came across and over nine of them turned me down but three guys walked in for the food.
I had the program start around 10:30am as the first speaker showed her power point to the two wonderful ladies who showed up. I was greatly disappointed as I had to start giving apologies to the all the representatives. They understood and told me that now that we have created this network of contacts it can be done again. They will help out with budget and free courses to teach whatever I want them to teach to the people of the community and the Church. After lunch the second speaker arrived and we all joined as we listened to her speak of the many branches of MIT and how the different ventures the institute is doing.
The program ended early and I felt defeated with insight that I have created good networks with these people for possible expo's in the future.
We must take the good with the bad in ministry. In it all I had three ladies arrive to learn about the programs being offered and how to help them for future employment. I spoke to many youth and had one follow me the rest of the day.
It does not keep me down for long as I push forward knowing God has called me for missions but not only missions but also holistic ministry. Holistic ministry is one where it is reaching people on all levels of their lives, the pastor is literally walking along side the people to show the way. I will continue that ministry till my last breath helping people lost and broken and trying to create a better future even if it is for one person.
The day comes as I got there early and cleaned the outside from the trash left behind from people in the community. I helped clean the inside of the Church and set up tables for information booths. I created an expo where MSL and MIT would be able to reach out to the youth in the community and the Church. The food and drinks came early, six plates, and each looked amazing.
Before 10:00am two ladies from the Samoan service arrived to learn and help them for possible employment it was exciting to see their faces as they walked in. The representatives from the different institutes were already there with information about career choices on the booths I had set up for them. But as 10:00am came no one else arrived. I texted the pastors who told me they were coming and received apologies instead of we are coming. I did every kind of advertisement I could think of with limited budget but no youth showed. I walked on the streets inviting youth I came across and over nine of them turned me down but three guys walked in for the food.
I had the program start around 10:30am as the first speaker showed her power point to the two wonderful ladies who showed up. I was greatly disappointed as I had to start giving apologies to the all the representatives. They understood and told me that now that we have created this network of contacts it can be done again. They will help out with budget and free courses to teach whatever I want them to teach to the people of the community and the Church. After lunch the second speaker arrived and we all joined as we listened to her speak of the many branches of MIT and how the different ventures the institute is doing.
The program ended early and I felt defeated with insight that I have created good networks with these people for possible expo's in the future.
We must take the good with the bad in ministry. In it all I had three ladies arrive to learn about the programs being offered and how to help them for future employment. I spoke to many youth and had one follow me the rest of the day.
It does not keep me down for long as I push forward knowing God has called me for missions but not only missions but also holistic ministry. Holistic ministry is one where it is reaching people on all levels of their lives, the pastor is literally walking along side the people to show the way. I will continue that ministry till my last breath helping people lost and broken and trying to create a better future even if it is for one person.
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